Happening
Digital Photography
2025
What’s constantly happening for me is a continuous inner battle with my body. It originates from two places, my gender and trauma from dance. Like most, I place pressure on myself to achieve this ideal form, perfect body, perfect face, etc. I struggle with the notion that somehow it’s required of me to be accepted and to feel safe and secure. I become insecure if I believe that I am not physically meeting the ideals of others. I will analyze my face, my body, my hair, remove excess hair, cover razor burn, enhance my body, dress more flattering, appear shorter, and soften and heighten my voice. It can be exhausting. My comfort and satisfaction are not dissimilar to that which is experienced by others. Some of these body issues developed from years of dance. Over time, they continue to become better as more time separates from when I was a pre-professional dancer. I still will have moments that pop up, and I will find myself critiquing my figure especially since I also model. Sometimes both my gender and former dance trauma will battle each other. I would like to gain more weight to soften my features and appear more feminine, and there are other times I want to stay thin to continue with my modeling opportunities. I do believe with time and as my direction with visual arts grows, healing will happen and these battles will lessen.
For this piece, I wanted to revisit a technique I have found myself enjoying when used in a previous piece. It is a casual abstract way of showcasing movement through a still image. I enjoy the distortions it brings to the image quality to where the viewer must decipher the picture. I decided for this photograph that I wanted to introduce color and also decrease the amount of movement that was occurring.
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